ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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