thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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