ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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