Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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