I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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