Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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