I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
