The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you win again, gameday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
