im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
