oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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