I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
