I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
