no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
