i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
