I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
don't judge my taste in strippers
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
