upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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