my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
birth control should be required to get into college
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
