please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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