On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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