I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
