I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
