Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
