we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
