So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
