Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i've created a new STD.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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