You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
