just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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