btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
