He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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