just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
