News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
