He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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