I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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