i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
My feet surprised me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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