There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
