end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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