soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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