I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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