she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
