It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
