I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We need to get me chipped asap
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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