If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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