You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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