I'm eating all of the evidence.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
