Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
