My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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