I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
