You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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