you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
