ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
