Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
