Taylor Swift is so right about you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Randomize
