Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
