Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
zippers are such a cool invention
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
