I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
