we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Randomize