I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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