You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
