Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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