I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
