is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
