i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
