a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
