I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't deserve a penis
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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