Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
