you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
