I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
