Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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