she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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