remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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